November 7, 2012

• Always smile

  

  I’m trying, okay? I want you to see that. I want you to see that I am trying my god-damn hardest to make things work. I am trying to live without you, I am trying so hard. You don’t understand, you never have, never will. Just, just look and see that I am fine without you. Though that is furthest from the truth, I will prove to you, me, her, and every other damn person in the world I’ll show them I can do it. I can be better. I can pretend.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  So now, alone or not, you’ve got a walk ahead. Thing to remember is if we’re all alone, then we’re all together in that too.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  First, take time to breathe, you don’t need me. You don’t need anything. It’s a wonder how we’re all under attack from everything always, and I’m willing to die to save your life. I know that you feel the same towards me.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you’re sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you’ll try to see yourself through my eyes.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  Some say it’s all fate, but I say we control our lives.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  Maybe it makes sense now. Maybe somewhere in all of this there’s a reason. Maybe somewhere in all of this there’s a why. Maybe somewhere there’s that thing that lets you tie it all up with a neat bow and bury it in the backyard. But nothing, not getting angry, not prayers, and not tears, can make something that happened unhappen.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  No matter where life takes you — big cities, small towns — you will inevitably run across small minds. People who think they are better than you, people who think that being pretty or popular automatically makes you a worthwhile human. None of these things matter as long as you have a strength of character, integrity and a sense of pride. So when you meet someone for the first time, don’t judge them by their situation in life, because you never know, they may end up being your very best friend.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  When faced with tragedy, we gather as many people around us as we possible can. Mere acquaintances become best friends. Enemies become kindred spirits. We need people so later we can look back and say, “I went through that with them.” People who can remind us that what we experienced, what we felt, was real. That we were there. So on that morning in early December, when we were all roused from our cozy dorm rooms just as the gray mist of dawn had started to rise, everyone set about finding that group to cling to. Someone to link arms with to make us feel less vulnerable, less unsure. Less like the world was on the verge of caving in.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  You know what? I was wrong. You are an idiot. My life happens to, on occasion, suck beyond the telling of it. Sometimes more than I can handle. And it’s not just mine. Every single person down there is ignoring your pain because they’re too busy with their own.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  • 9:03 pm
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