December 9, 2012

• Amazing Grace

  

  Shut up, wipe those tears from your eyes, print out a picture of him, and throw darts at it until there’s a hole in your fucking bedroom wall. Look in the mirror and scream until you can’t breathe, blast your favorite song and laugh. I want you to find yourself again. Because the girl I knew six months ago before she met that asshole who changed her temporarily used to not give a shit about what people say. He fucking destroyed you, and nobody messes with my friends. Give me his number; his life is about to be hell.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  And you asked me if he was worth it, if this was worth it. I said, the thing is, the happiness that I feel when I’m with him is unlike any happiness I have ever experienced. But the sadness that consumes me during the long periods when the happiness is gone is unlike any sadness I’ve ever had, too. It is bottomless and makes me feel hopeless and sad and ugly. And I can’t decide which one is more affecting. Can I live without the happiness, can I live with the sadness? I don’t know, I don’t know anything anymore.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  And it was then that I realized that this was the last time we would see each other. It was the last time we’d get to hold hands, the last time I would get to tell you it will be alright. It was then I realized the meaning of perfect. It was a day like this, in a place right here, with our pinkies locked without a care in the world.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  The world really is bizzare. The innocent people? They’re not really that innocent. The guilty people, the offenders? They have stories that go deep into their souls. The bitches? Sometimes they’re not bitches, just be bitches in order to keep their wall up nice and solid. The people that you think that care more than anything? Sometimes they really don’t care at all. And the people that you think have no idea? They care the most. They understand. Because they’ve been there. Some may say people are just people, but people have lives, families, hopes, dreams, visions. Some people have holes in their heart, and you would never know it just by looking at them.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  When I woke up this morning, I couldn’t get out of bed. I was laying there, and I thought to myself how comfortable it was. It was silent, no one was around, and I felt so good laying under the blankets that were wrapped around me. At that moment, I realized I could lay in bed for all hours of the day, not talking to one person, living in my thoughts, and not doing anything with myself, and it wouldn’t bother me. All I would need is a paper and a pen. I wouldn’t go insane like most people would. I wouldn’t feel content, but I wouldn’t feel sad either, I would feel comfort and calm. I find that to be absolutely saddening.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  When you break a girl’s heart, it’s like drowning a kitten. It really is; because we love you so much and we snuggle and we will nuzzle your neck and we’ll paw your fat belly. But the moment you break our little hearts, we’ll kill you, man.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  When I think of our future, I hope our child is strong like me, and beautiful like you. Yes, I am a fighter. I mean, I fought through tooth and nail just to have you become the love of my life. I’ve fought through battles that nobody else knows about, like the time you ran off to the war. I know that you were tough, but fuck, imagine how I felt. I mean, I would never want the love of my life to get shot or something. No, that would be truly devistating. I want our child to be a fighter, though, it would be even more amazing if it had your smile. The one that lights up an entire room.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  Have you ever been struck by the feeling that something is wrong? Nothing in particular, mind you. Nothing that you can quite put your finger on. Just an overwhelming sense that things in your universe have, well, shifted. And even if the answer is right there, staring you straight in the eye, somehow, you still don’t see it.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  • 4:58 pm
  • 4 Comments